Starting

Surprise, surprise, I have been waiting to start this.  Waiting for the best way to begin. Waiting for inspiration to hit, flow state to arrive.

But this is what we must learn together, 

IF YOU DO NOT START YOU DO NOT START.

There is no point wishing you life away thinking about all the amazing things you know you could do. 

Now, obviously, you know that. You’ve probably sat in front of a hundred different projects with a tool in your hand, thinking about the opportunities you’ll miss, the satisfaction you can't get elsewhere, the marks you might lose if you keep leaving work till last second. You’re thinking, ‘perfectionist, of course you have to start the thing to finish it’. And to that I say, of course, you’re right. 

But how.

It can feel like an insurmountable mountain, when you are staring at the project due, or thinking about the end result. 

You’re standing at the foot of the matterhorn, watching the clouds float past its jagged tip. 

But, what I’ve found, is that you need to do the absolute EASIEST thing, first. This way, instead of climbing an Alpine mountain, or starting the hike, or even taking a step, all you are doing… is wiggling your toes.

I know, I know it sounds miniscule, but the point is (and you have to forget this when you are starting, so as not to put any pressure on the second and tertiary steps) it grows as you go. First it's the wiggle of the toe, then the whole foot, then the leg, and eventually you’ve gotten to the first step. And everyone knows how it goes from there, one food in front of the other. The walk you are currently not doing. So, heed my words. For now, just a wiggle. Only the wiggle. Let the wiggle be.

Now, what does this translate to? In my life, there's a lot of writing, or studying, so my main objective is just to open the laptop. When things feel impossible, or you know you are putting off beginning something because you are scared it will be too difficult, but you have to get that first foot off the ground, I wiggle my toes by just opening the damn laptop. I don't have to do anything on it. Just open it. 

Often this, in and of itself, is enough to get some juices flowing. Because that's what the wiggle does. It gets the blood flow of the project started, even if it's a slow, clotted sludge on day 1. 

And maybe I’ll open the laptop, remind myself of the task at hand, maybe it won't go any further than that, I’ll think, ahh it's still too much, I have to do this and this and that, I will have to just move on tomorrow.
But sometimes, sometimes, the black metal cracks open, and the screen lets out its soft glow, and I can hear the low hum of sims trying to start in the background, the pads of my fingers find purchase on the letters, the project blossoms before me, opening almost by itself. And sometimes, the blank page stares at and sweet talks me, till I'm moved, and the mountain is forgotten, and a few little black words spill themselves like seeds across the screen. 

Eventually the little spill of words is a whole paragraph, and after that an article, or somesuch. 

But, it doesn't have to be. 9 times out of 10, the whole thing gets to be too much, and I have to close it down, tell myself I’ll open it tomorrow. 

The beautiful thing about this mindset, if you can ride out past the first wave, is that after you’ve wiggled a couple times, its easy. It's almost boring. And you're reading to move the whole foot, ankle joint turning, sometimes even a knee kick. You want the next steps because you’re comfortable with the first.

It kind of all snowballs, especially if you can get to wiggling once a day, or even a couple times a week. It’s just a softer blow each time, because you’ve made a little progress, you see the first few words and you write the next few, you’ve gotten to grips with the fact that starting this project is not the same as being chased by a bear, and does not require the same nervous system meltdown. You want the next steps because you feel safe with the first. 

So today, I started. I wiggled my toes, and wrote the first post.

And you are all witness to its possibleness.

It exists, despite its imperfectness, and that’s all I’m trying to do. 

Never stop never being perfect,

Holly G. Lightly x

P.S.

I think for the following weeks, I will have sections in the blog, subject to change, and my whimsy, of course:

Based on the name:

Introductory writing (perhaps as seen above).

Inspiration nation

Some of my favourite inspiration/obsessions of the moment. 

Creation station

Something I've made based on that inspiration

What have I done this week? 

A section about what I'm currently working on.

What have you done this week?

A conclusionary sentence or two asking for you guys to comment and add your art!

Okay, go be terrible artists, I’m right behind you!