About Me

I should be clear. I DON’T think I'm perfect.

Well, maybe I do... Sometimes.

Okay, I, rightly, have an exceptionally high ego, parts of me could be considered perfect-ish, perhaps I could be said to have a perfect streak… but NONE of that, very true, paraphernalia is the point of this page. 

This will, with any luck, be a page dedicated to my battles with perfectionism, and its bosom buddy.

I have suffered under the cruel reign of procrastination for a number of years. My teenage years were spent flailing about. Wanting to do more with my life, but never knowing quite how to escape the merciless clutches.

This is where this beautiful page comes in. A place dedicated to progress. An attempt at self accountability. A true desire for a community against hesitation, and for making shit! 

Who knows, maybe this will all come off as a self-absorbed, self-righteous autofellatio. That would not be entirely wrong either. But, if you are at all interested in the continued pursuit of a calling, read on. 

Creating is not easy.
It has come to me, in some ways, like a duck to water. Ideas are my bread and butter. They just flow. But the follow through? Now THAT’s where things get a bit tricky.
I have found no consistency, no continuing force. But more than that. I have a DIScontinuing force. It seems to work against the advancement of whatever project is taking over my mind.  Now, sometimes, often, it may be procrastination, that is a big beast. But that is brought on by, perhaps, in my opinion, a more insidious creature. 

The truth is, I am afraid. 

Creating is FULL of fear. Fear that opening up creatively is too vulnerable, fear that people will perceive you, or judge you. Fear that your best  is someone else's worst, fear of failing the perfect ideal of a finished product.

Fear that you will never live up to the expectations others (or yourself) have set for you. 

Making art can be like slicing through the layers of skin and muscle and opening your breastbone with your fingers, prying apart the ribcage, into a grotesque welcome, bloody, bony fingers of rib splayed out like wings (can you tell I want to write?)... And inside is… what?

What if it's not good enough?

What if I’m not good enough.

I think this is what it all boils down to. The fear of imperfection.

This is where this page comes in! Hey... hi!

Here, I can (try to) hold myself accountable, and follow through on, if not finishing projects, at least starting them. Putting something out there, even in it's unfinished, imperfect state.

I’m hoping that, through channelling some of my own thoughts and experiences, and doing what I do best (talking about myself), others can see they're not alone.

Of course, this will mainly just be about having fun! I will share projects, write about my thoughts for the week, talk about my current interests and inspirations, and just let it be bad, and cringe, and free.

 

Now, if you do suddenly stop hearing from me, you can be sure that the procrastination demon has taken a knife point bite grip on my ankle again, and, despite my shaking and shaking, it will not retreat. I can probably sat scrolling deep on tiktok in the dark corner of a room, too sedated to create.

It happens to the best of us so, nonetheless,

Never stop never being perfect,

Holly G. Lightly xxx